Ladies, as we quickly approach the final day of the TAKE6 kick off for 2011, I hope you're finding value in the blog posts. If you would like to share your story or post a comment to my entries, sign up and send me a note. I really enjoy reading your comments, so don't be shy. 

Today, the focus is on the topic that got this campaign started: Sexual Behavior. You ready? Let's get to it...

It is said that when a man and woman climax during sex, they receive a part of the other's soul. Considering this is true, what do you require of a man before you offer him a piece of your soul? Do you require anything?

When I was younger, the qualities I looked for in a man were pretty superficial but I didn't know any better. I wanted him to be fine, tall, dark complexioned; have a nice smile, dress nice, smell nice and be well groomed. In my early 30s my list changed a bit, but not too much. To that same list I added good communicator, had to like kids (I was a single mom by then), honest & loyal, I took complexion off, and I added hair (it's hard to find a black man with hair these days and I was tired of looking at bald heads... LOL).

I didn't give much thought to the guy's values and ideals on how to treat women. It just never occurred to me. I was raised to treat people how I wanted to be treated. In my ignorance, I assumed that all people were taught this basic principle. But I learned the hard way that when you're dealing with relationships of the heart between men and women, there is a different set of rules -- unspoken rules that must be followed. 

About three years ago, my list looked something like this: good hygiene, smart, optimistic, willingness to communicate, confidence and charisma, honest & loyal. Not until the last two years have I realized that the type of man I want to love has to be the type of man that can be in a respectful, loving, committed relationship, and desires to live a life holy unto God. And I'm unwavering on this list.

Last year, TAKE6 presented an exercise where women were asked to make a list of requirements that absolutely every man of romantic interest had to meet BEFORE investing time in getting to know him. We called the list our non-negotiable standards. I ask that you spend some time doing this exercise before you jump back into the dating scene this year. I think a lack of standards (or superficial ones) is how many women find themselves in situations with married and attached men; or even casual sex relationships when they really want a commitment. Here are a few things to consider when making your list:

- Be honest with yourself about what matters to you. You might have to make a few tweaks to your list here and there as you date and realize what you refuse to tolerate, or to add a new quality you can't live without.

- Don't concern yourself with what men want. They need to meet your standards. Why? Because only you know what you need so that you don't end up feeling used and disrespected. 

- Once you have a list, treat it like the Ten Commandments (lol). When the pressure is on, a man that is really interested in getting to know you, will rise to the occasion.       

Earlier, I mentioned unspoken rules that must be followed. Here are the ones I know to be a fact:

- Stand firm in what you believe (your standards). If you have declared abstinence to a man, but when he puts the full court press on you for sex and you cave, he will never believe another word you say. (This is definitely a double standard, but it's true.) 

- Don't chase a man or you will have to be the chaser as long as you're in any kind of relationship with him. If a man wants to get to know you, you won't have to chase him. You won't have to wonder why he hasn't called in days. You will be a priority for him.

- If a man doesn't want a committed relationship and you do, leave him alone. Good sex, a nice body, a pretty face...none of these things have the power to change his mind. He will take as much of you as you give him, but the relationship will never grow. Wherever the relationship stands at three months, there will it be even two years later.

The TAKE6 movement suggests abstaining from sex during campaign activities. However, it is my greatest wish that all single women realize they are worth so much more than casual sex. I understand how big of a decision it is to give up sex until marriage, but I wish exactly that for each one of you. There is nothing wrong with sex...God gave it as a gift to the bond of marriage. But outside of that bond, satisfying sexual desires is wreaking havoc in the earth - destroying families, taking lives, and hurting many people.

Be fearless with men. Set your standards and hold your position. If more single women do this, men will eventually get the message and fall in line.

Helpful Tip: When you meet someone new and you really want to know who the guy is - on the inside - there is a sure way to know. Test his character using the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). 

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control.... (NIV)   

The fruit of the Spirit are grown. You can't fake this. Spiritual fruit take surrender to God and time to grow. As you spend time with a man getting to know him and watching for these signs, you will know if he's right for you (if these qualities are important to you). Also, you can test your own character to check if you have surrendered completely to the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.

Be sure to check out the 3rd Watch 2010 if you want to review the work we did with sexual behavior last year. Tomorrow is our last day. We'll talk about our Spirituality.
 
Hang in there!
--Icen